Poems and writings

On peace

I will never be able to go back, and that's okay. I've made peace with that.

Sometimes I see creatures in this platform talk about returning to their natural habitat one day. They talk about their journey growing in a human society, a human family, trying to meet expectations and failing. Naturally, they long to go back to their real homes. I've come to feel inspired by their stories, trying to aim for the same objective, but... For them, that's a plausible goal to reach in the future. A hope they can claw on and never let go, a wish to keep going, a future to live in. I wish it was that simple for me.

I'm a watcher. That's news to no-one. I'm other species as well, but none of them are as “strong” (for lack of a better word) as my watcher identity. Is what my body looks like the most, it's the one I get most shifts. My headmate, Orion, is also a watcher, so we believe that would be the most plausible to transition to. Not only because watchers look a bit human (no longer true since I shifted my physical form, that's more like a barn owl, but it's what its original form looks like), but it's what would make us happier.

I've been working on blueprints to build myself a pair of wings. Since my wings are under my skin, it would be extremely painful to rip the skin open to get them out. Plus, my scars would need to be remade and heal again, which would take really really long. They were trapped for a reason, maybe they were not developed enough. My theory is that, when they came out (since watcher fledglings only grow out their wings around puberty time), they were really underdeveloped, since I was born early myself, so they needed more time to grow. But now, when I transform, they are huge, so I don't really know what the deal is anymore.

So, I want to build myself new wings. I talked about this before, and since I already made myself a cape, that's the last step I need to look the way I want to look. I think the base would need to be made out of wood with metal to support it. The bones of real wings are easy enough to replicate, so that won't be really hard. The hardest part is going to be readapting my way of walking and standing, but I will no longer be off balance, so that's great.