Poems and writings

Afraid to be discovered

Sometimes I'm afraid I will be discovered. I'm a Watcher hiding in a human body. I was taken away, I was transformed, but they didn't change who I am. They could never change who I am. I do not like to interact with others. My body, it may be human, but I transformed to be who I am today. My body is the one of a watcher. Because I'm a Watcher, so my body is one too. I'm proud to be who I am.

I despise labels, even if I loved them when I first discovered the community. Why do I have to call myself physical nonhuman? Why do I have to use therian, otherkin, fictionkin? I am just me. I'm a Watcher, I'm a cat with wings, I'm both at the same time. I'm also human, but at the same time I'm not. I'm half human. My vessel is human.

I was human, now I'm not. I don't know when the change was made. I don't know when my brain clicked, I won't say I'm unhappy now that I know the truth, I won't say I wish I didn't discovered the community. But I have to pretend. Every day, every single day. Masking, masking, even tho Watchers wear masks, is exhausting.

Sometimes I love being who I am. Sometimes I hate it. All around me, all my life, I've been told it's okay to be different, embrace your weirdness, as they may say. We must accept those who are different. But that changes once I say I'm not human. I'm like, ten percent human at most. Because I had to use a bit of them to fit in.

All around me, they say I'm a survivor. That I can do whatever I want because I survived what others didn't. I have the scars on my skin to prove it. I like my scars. But because I survived, I need to be okay? I'm not. I'm afraid all the time. To be discovered.